It all begins with those puppy-dog eyed looks, followed by rolled lips and then wails in a sing-song tone, occasionally accompanied with a couple of tears! And trust me, these are enough to pull the heartstrings of any mom. But would you believe there is something called ‘False Crying’ ?
Crying is a natural phenomenon – a transition from acknowledging a problem to accepting the problem. I myself need a good cry quite often. When I am sad, I cry. When I am mad, I cry. When I am dead tired, I cry.
In short, I agree, it’s OKAY to cry.
However as a mother of twin toddlers, I do not appreciate FALSE Crying.
It might sound a bit harsh but even babies CAN fake cry – just for attention! And this precarious act of naughtiness grows as they enter the toddler stage.
While I never advocate the theory of “just ignore”, but over a period of time I have successfully found out the difference between genuine crying and false crying.
Is the child really crying?
The fake cry is different from whining or crying, when a child’s voice goes into that horrible sing-song tone.This is something even more severe and irritating, something any parent would just want to stop.
A fake cry is tear-less random sound, that sounds like ….well….a cry, with intervals of a cheeky grin saying I-know-i-am-going-to-drive-you-nuts because I didn’t get what I want!
If your toddler starts to cry or whine only when they know you’re within earshot, you’re being manipulated, especially if they follow you when you walk away.
Also read “7 ways to teach your Child Good Manners”
Why Fake it Baby?
Well, in most cases a baby fake cries in order to get attention- a few studies say so and I believe it too. But things change in those “terrible two’s”.
Your toddler might be false crying not just for your attention but also in reaction to enviornmental factors like competing with sibling, desire for a specific toy, over tiredness etc.
The other day, while reading storybook to my kids as part of their bedtime ritual, in the middle of it, my daughter got up and handed over another book which she wanted me to read, right then. On asking her to wait for me to finish what I was reading, there she started….. ‘ehah ehah ehah’ a very half-hearted attempt at a crying noise accompanied by a wrinkling up of the face. No tears, just her having a grumble.
And this is not the only way they act out. If it’s not fake crying, they would go and stand in a corner or just lie down on the floor or simply freeze with closed eyes.
And this is a very common occurrence , especially when the toddler is not totally verbal of one’s feelings and emotions.
Imagine the amount of guilt, frustration and confusion the parent goes through in such a situation!
Also read “Top 7 Storybooks for 2 year olds”
How to manage your child’s Fake Crying?
Well, don’t forget, even if the child’s crying is fake, the emotions behind this are real. Over time I have realised that handling a situation of false crying doesn’t really work in the long run. Instead, we try to normalise the flow of feelings. Our best response always is to accept and acknowledge the feelings however they show up – just accept, and not try to “handle” those feelings.
So instead of simply giving in to the child’s fake crying or ignoring (which is just-so-easy), we opted these tricks which are helping us & our toddlers come out of the situation feeling better.
Soothe the child by empathising
A simple acknowledgement of the fact that as a parent you understand that the child is upset works great.
Initiate a Dialogue
Right there, right then- just ask the child if he is okay or if he needs a hug.
Act Goofy
Well, adding a bit of drama lightens the situation. This usually makes my kids laugh or confused. Either way, they almost always stop fake crying.
Distract the child
I almost always manage to distract my daughter during her fake crying by diverting her attention to any recent experience or situation. She stops in the middle and tries to recall the same. If nothing works, simply asking “Where’s your head? ” or “What does a cow say?’ does the job.
Get to the Point
Ha ha, this one is fun. It’s like catching them red-handed. As if you just know what and why they are behaving that way. This is a great distractor and breaks the momentum gained by those wails.
Pause
It’s okay to neither react nor respond for a moment. Let the child vent out those emotions. I often tell my kids to turn around and look back at me when they are feeling better. At times they get into the peek-a-boo mode soon!
Give in!
And if nothing works, this is the last resort for the sake of your own sanity.
How do you sail through such a situation? Don’t forget to share your experience!
Go Mommy!